I was finally able to escape the captivity of Hrag’s pocket and do some traveling this summer. I went on a cross-country trip which included Phoenix and Chicago, and many other stops along the way. I ate everything in sight…pizza, funnel cakes, Italian beef, you name it…I ate it. The adventure of a lifetime and my binge eating led me to Canada, where sadly my freedom came to an end.
When I escaped that bastard’s pocket, I had every intention of going far, far away so he would never find me and Canada seemed to be that perfect place. Chicago was a bit risky, but he never found out I was there. Same with Pheonix. Then I went to Calgary, not even Montreal where I might be recognized, but CALGARY, where I don’t know a god damn soul.
Ironically the day that would end up being my worst day ever was beautiful. I was by the lake when this couple came up and tried to take a picture. Their camera wasn’t working very well, so being the good Samaritan I am, I got up to see if I could fix it…and wouldn’t you know, the flash went off! The picture took while I was front and center. Now, I didn’t want any evidence of where I was, but I figured one picture wasn’t so bad, right? Wrong. That picture ended up all over National Geographic…I even have Facebook groups named after me now…and there was no escaping Hrag after that. Hrag and his wrath.
They call me the Crasher Squirrel now.
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Despite my celebrity status, I find myself back in this god forsaken pocket, miserable as ever and even more hungry now that Hrag refuses to feed me out of anger. I can’t wait until October 10th, after which I know his bride will feed and take care of me.
So I just want to say, thanks a lot to that couple in Canada, whoever you are, for being no help whatsoever.
Filed under: Bizarro
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