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The Movie Goat Reviews: Kick-Ass
It seems like every time I post here, I lead off with “it’s been a while.” Well, until my life gets significantly less complicated (likely sometime in early 2012) that will continue to be the case. But in the meantime, enjoy my sporadic ramblings and occasional movie reviews. Most recently, I ended my pre-screen drought by catching an early show of Kick-Ass, the newest in a dwindling parade of comic-book based movies.
I’ll say this about Kick-Ass. They need to hire a PR department. Or maybe even just a temp to call around and take out a few ads. For all the money they spent making this thing, you’d think they could afford a TV commercial or a movie poster or something…after a little bit of reading, I found out that most of the major studios didn’t want anything to do with it, which is not surprising for any movie featuring Nicholas Cage as the headline actor, an 11-year-old girl who spews obscenities and kills dozens, and the word “ass” right there in the title.
Fivel Goes West this is not.
I stumbled upon this movie months ago completely by accident, while trolling the Quicktime movie trailers page as I do from time to time. The concept is solid. A geek living in New York sees petty crimes going on all around him and, inspired by comic books, decides to put on a costume and try to fight back. At first, you say sure, we’ve been there before, but if you think about it for a second, we really haven’t. Aside from possibly Watchmen, every comic book hero has some sort of radioactive bug-bite or interstellar superpower or heaps and heaps of money with which to buy gadgets. Kick-Ass’s Dave Lizewski has none of these things, and the movie takes a surprisingly realistic stance on what would happen to such a person if he tried to be a hero. In his first heroic encounter, he gets beaten to within an inch of his life and stabbed in the stomach. What follows is not your standard “limp home and put an ace bandage on it”, or even the unsettling “give yourself stitches, take two aspirin, and get better in a few days.” No. An ambulance comes and takes him to the hospital, he has surgery to fix his gut, and a bunch of metal plates and screws to take care of his broken bones, with a ton of nerve damage and months of recovery as the result.
The realism doesn’t stop there. Even when the “Real” superheroes show up (a retired cop with a vendetta played by Nicholas Cage and his 11-year-old cop-trained daughter), they show as close a representation as I’ve seen of what it would take to be a vigilante in the real world. Guns, knives, and tons of Kevlar. Cage’s “Big Daddy” may look like Batman, but the similarities end there. The movie trades Batman’s utility belt for semi-automatic handguns and body armor, and improbable karate kicks for pinpoint shooting accuracy and good old-fashioned punches in the face.
And speaking of Nick Cage…I have complained about him ruining movies in the past. In general, whenever he gets on the screen (no matter if it’s an action movie, romantic comedy, or documentary) he seems like a guy who accidentally walked in to the women’s locker room at the gym and, profoundly uncomfortable, tries to awkwardly muddle by while he quickly searches for an excuse as to why he is there. In this movie, that hasn’t changed, but the directors decided to write his character to fit that style. Cage’s Damon MacReady is a socially awkward ex-cop who is likely very unstable due to the loss of his wife and a bunch of time spent in prison. He’s so messed up that he raised his daughter to want butterfly knives for her 11th birthday instead of a puppy. The daughter, played by more-or-less newcomer Chloe Moretz, puts in an excellent performance, including some of the best comedic child acting I’ve ever seen (it’s a lot harder than you’d think). No matter how crazy the combat situations get (and they do get very crazy), the characters hit home in a way that no comic books ever have, for me at least.
The high school students act like high school students. They make fun of each other like high school students, swear like high school students, smoke pot like high school students, and watch porn like high school students. The main villain isn’t some mustached loner guy looking to rule the city and wipe out Truth, Justice, and the American Way, he’s a medium-scale drug lord who has a family and a legitimate business on the side and a decent network of cocaine, thugs, and connections in the NYPD. Rather than ignoring cell phones and the internet as most hero settings do, this movie makes a commendable attempt to incorporate them, with Lizewski’s Kick Ass using MySpace and cell phone videos from bystanders to publicize himself.
I could go on, but you need to see this thing for yourself.
The Bottom Line: Using the words “genre defining” on a movie called “Kick-Ass” may be a little hasty (and wrong), but while it doesn’t define the genre, Kick-Ass certainly gives it a much needed shove in the right direction. It’s nowhere near Oscar material, and some critics will pan it for this and other associated reasons, but it’s certainly fun, and in the end, isn’t that what comic books are supposed to be?
Filed under: Entertainment Rant, Z, movie goat | Tagged: kick-ass, kickass, nicholas cage, superheroes | 1 Comment »
Intern Paul’s ChatRoulette Social Experiment
With the ever growing number of weirdo offerings, the Internet now boasts ChatRoulette (CR), a totally anonymous way to chat face-to-face with total strangers. It is basically the evolved form of Omegle, which would throw you into anonymous chats with said total strangers. However, with the addition of ChatRoulette’s video function, the potential for creepiness is raised exponentially .
I used Omegle a few times when it was new and had an interesting discussion with someone claiming to be in France. We talked about all sorts of things and I started to form a bond with them… until suddenly they disconnected in mid-sentence. Whether by accident or on purpose is unknown, but I felt a tinge of sadness as they were cast back into the emptiness of cyberspace, taking the mystery with them. A real illustration on the nebulous nature of our Internet age, no?
Background: When I learned about ChatRoulette today in an article on my favorite blog Gawker, it posted screenshots of the people they encountered during a quick jaunt through the site to form a collage of what they aptly describe as an Alexander Payne-esque reminder of the tedium of life. Ahh yes, just like Gawker’s Richard Lawson to pull such a poignant line from this glorified trolling outlet. This inspired me to make one too.
My Findings: Since I was typically nexted with great speed by my newfound companions for having my camera off, I only had a few seconds to grab a screen shot of Internet mundanity at its best. Like Gawker, what I found was an interesting cross-section of people all looking genuinely bored, which spoke volumes on the state of today’s Internet world. Unlike Gawker, I also ran into, not one, but 3.5 separate instances of a guy jerking off into the camera in that brief time, so viewer discretion is advised to all you budding social psychologists.
My collage of the Lonely Faces of Five Minutes on Chat Roulette (click to enlarge, of course):
Filed under: Intern Rant | Tagged: chat roulette, intern paul | 1 Comment »
Today on SEPTA….
Thursday, February 4, 1010 – Someone urinated on the bus. I’m not sure exactly where. I just hope I wasn’t sitting in it.
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Filed under: Philadelphia Rant, philadelphia, philly | Tagged: peeing on the bus, septa, southeastern pennsylvania | 1 Comment »
The Movie Goat Reviews: The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus
In my return to posting on this site, many would expect that the first review I write would be for Avatar, the James Cameron 3D extravaganza which recently raked in its two billionth dollar after only 48 days in theaters. To give you an idea, that figure is higher than the estimated total output of Afghanistan during that same period, and more than the entire population of Greenland produces in a year.
But while I saw Avatar, and enjoyed it, I’m not going to write about it because chances are you’ve all already seen it anyway. Instead, I’m going to write about the latest Terry Gilliam movie, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus.
For those of you unfamiliar with Gilliam, he got his start making the strange paper-cutout cartoons for Monty Python’s Flying Circus back in the 70s. As the sole American on the team, he had limited time in front of the camera, instead splitting his time between writing sketches and producing the animations that linked them together. After the Pythons split up, he went on to make a bunch of very strange movies that got high critical acclaim. From Time Bandits to Brazil to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, he has always marched to the beat of his own drummer, and most of the time that drummer is on a unicycle wearing a ridiculous hat and beating the drum with a stale baguette and a lake trout instead of drumsticks.
But enough with analogies.
Parnassus is a movie about good and evil, possibly about God and Satan, a line the movie intentionally walks along instead of choosing one side or the other. The two immortals are fighting for people’s souls, whom they either liberate (in the case of Parnassus) or tempt into enslavement (in the case of “Mr. Nick”). Parnassus and Nick are old golfing buddies or something, and over the centuries, Nick has conned Parnassus into a variety of wagers, the most recent one for Parnassus’s own daughter. Things get more interesting when the doctor finds Heath Ledger’s character, Tony, hanging from a noose tied off the middle of a bridge (he swallowed a small metal pipe prior to being hanged so as to keep himself alive)
Parnassus was Ledger’s last movie; he died during production and was replaced in several scenes by Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell. I was wary of this swap-out at first, but it turns out they tweaked the story a little to make it actually work. Ledger’s performance is great, as are the performances of all the actors brought on to play him in other scenes.
The movie sets a new standard for visual impressiveness in Gilliam’s movies, with Parnassus’s “Imaginarium” showing off some snazzy special effects and computer animation. If Gilliam had this idea for years, I’m glad he waited until now to make it. Time Bandits was great and all, but you wouldn’t be able to do the kinds of things he did here with the technology available in the 80s and 90s.
The story takes one strange turn after another, finally ending with a sequence as hopeful as it is confusing. Oh, and Verne Troyer is in it too, turning in a great performance that takes him another step further from Austin Powers’ Mini-Me.
Now, for one reason or another, I forgot that this was a Gilliam movie before I went to see it. I was very confused and ready to tell people that it was a movie with good acting and great special effects but a very strange plot. Then I saw Terry Gilliam’s name flash up in the credits and it all clicked together. Yes, it’s strange, but it’s Gilliam strange, and if you liked his other movies you will also love this one.
Bottom Line: There are so many reasons to see this movie. It’s Gilliam’s first noteworthy movie since 1998′s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. It’s Heath Ledger’s last movie ever, providing another glimpse into the disturbing roles that led him down his tragic path of self-destruction. It’s got Christopher Plummer dressed like a homeless man, Verne Troyer dressed like a Monkey, and it’s probably got the best CGI special effects of any movie this year not considered science fiction. You might need to look around a little to find a theater showing it, but it will be worth the trip.
Filed under: Entertainment Rant, Z, movie goat | Tagged: christopher plummer, imaginarium, parnassus, tedious analogies, verne troyer | Leave a Comment »
Blizzard-Like Conditions Coming Your Way?
Alright Debbie Downer, turn that frown upside down and embrace the 20″ of snow coming your way this weekend. Follow the steps below to have the best adult snow day ever:
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Dig up and change into your favorite beat up sweats you sported pretty much every day back in college. (ew! but you know you did it).
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Heat yourself a cup of hot chocolate (with a kiss of bourbon in it).
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a- Curl up on the couch and con your significant other into watching something completely ridiculous, like Love Actually or Phantom of the Opera.a
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If all else fails:
Stay warm and toasted with all your friends by throwing a Pigs-in-a-Blanket and Spiked Apple Cider Party!
Filed under: Philadelphia Rant, philadelphia, philly | Tagged: adult snow day ideas, bad weather, blizzard, snow, the weather outside is frightful | 1 Comment »
THG Endorsed T-Shirt
We haven’t heard from our resident squirrel in quite some time now. That just goes to show you that journalistic integrity means nothing for these furry little nut jobs! That said, THG has decided to endorse the following t-shirt:
Pick up your very own anti-squirrel paraphernalia by visiting: http://shop.froobi.com/Squirrel-t-shirt_p_40898.html#
You messed with the wrong goat, squirrel.
Filed under: Bizarro | Leave a Comment »
Today at the SSA…(in the SEPTA Building…)
Wednesday, February 2, 2010 - Today at the Social Security Administration office, which is located coincidentally in the SEPTA building (so it would be just as ghetto as being on the bus), a woman was rattling off to her friend and a gun toting imbecile security officer about Al Qaeda. Her profound insight on life, sex and black men led her to the conclusion that the man who attempted to blow up Northwest Flight 253 on Christmas Day, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, was strong armed by Al Qaeda.
A black man would never stuff a bomb near his junk. Maybe in his back pocket or his shoe. Not near his stuff…it’s too precious with it goin’ all the way to east jabib and shi’. I tell ya, he was set up by Al Qaeda…
Filed under: Philadelphia Rant, Politico Rant, philadelphia, philly | Leave a Comment »
Punxsutawney FAIL; Philadelphia Phil Gives Hope
Earlier today, all eyes were on America’s most frightened groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, who saw his shadow for the 99th time and scurried back into his hole — leaving us with another six more weeks of winter ahead.
As a time honored tradition here at THG, we also look to our very own Philz for his thoughts on when we’ll be seeing warmer days:
Well, it’s cloudy today, so I walked outside and didn’t see my shadow, but I forgot my cell phone, so I went back inside.aSo we’ll call it an even split and say 4 more weeks of winter with a decent early March in the high 50s.
Filed under: Holiday Rant | Tagged: groundhogs day, summa summa summatimeee, warmer days, weather man phil, where's spring | 1 Comment »
Today on SEPTA…
Thursday, December 17, 2009 – A middle-aged man kept referring to his wife as stingy while conversing with the bus driver. I started feeling bad for the guy because it seemed like he’s in an unhappy marriage. And that’s when I heard…
…so that’s why we get along so well. She keeps the spending in check and knows how to save money.
Then my heart broke for him for an entirely different reason — he’s just that dumb. The correct word was frugal, sir. Your wife is frugal, not stingy.
Filed under: Philadelphia Rant, philadelphia, philly | Tagged: grammar, spellcheck, uneducated, where not going to school will get you | Leave a Comment »







